It is with great sadness that I inform you that MillerCoors is being forced to reformulate their caffeinated alcoholic beverage, Sparks, effectively making it pointless. This about sums up why:
The beer giant had come under fire from the states as well as several consumer-advocacy groups, for allegedly marketing its top-selling Sparks brand so that it appealed to underage consumers. Critics also complained that the drinks raised potential health risks by masking feelings of drunkenness.I can maybe understand people being upset about the marketing. Maybe. But, I highly doubt that's what this is about. And it's statements like this one (made by Attorney General Richard Blumenthal) that infuriate me:
Sparks is an insidious and insane drink that deservedly now is down the drain -- like all stimulant-spiked alcoholic drinks should be. . . . Beverages like Sparks are a witch's brew of alcohol and caffeine, energizing drunks and encouraging dangerous, even deadly behavior. Common sense says a drink impairing judgment while conferring excess energy is a very bad idea. Studies show that these drinks lead to binge drinking, car crashes, sexual assaults and other risky behavior. They impair reactions and reasoning, but instill the illusion of alertness and energy.What next? Banning Red Bull and vodkas? Banning coffee beer? Banning me from slamming some espresso before going out to the bar?
As ridiculous as that comment is, I love the absurd new marketing stipulations:
Remove from Sparks marketing any references to mixing the drinks with caffeinated or stimulant-laced beverages, as well as plus and minus signs, batteries, on/off switches, elevators, lightning bolts and snowboards, and the words "powered” and "ignited."Yes, because I know that when I was under 21, anytime I was near an elevator, even heard someone whisper the word elevator, I could think of doing nothing but slamming back gallons of alcohol while raping anything and everything that so much as crept into my eyesight.
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